Having good communication is very important in relationships. I all kinds like between family members, friends, co-workers, and even intimate relationships. Communication is a key ingredient to having healthy relationships. I have always thought that communication was important and i stride towards that in my relationships with other people. Although I have always had a problem with confrontation. I had never come to the realization that being non-confrontational about everything could be a hindering block to having good communication. I have always known that i needed to overcome my fear of confrontation but i guess it just never clicked that it was putting walls up between me and other people. Until this week. There was something bothering me all week long, and i just kept shoving it aside. I didn't want to bring it up with the person i needed to. I prayed to God about it, i journaled about it and it really was just stressing me out. I was cranky and in a bad mood and just not myself because i refused to bring it up. Not noticing that this was affecting my mood all week long. When the opportunity came up to talk about it i again shoved it aside. Again i prayed to God asking him what i should do, whether or not I should share what was on my heart and how i felt. I eventually brought it up and the conversation went well. I had stressed about nothing. But in holding it in so long, lying and saying that i was fine and nothing was wrong i was only hurting the other person because they could tell.
Poor communication in all aspects of relationships is a bad thing. Whether the thing bothering you is simple, or it's an irritation, or about how your feeling got hurt, no matter what it is, keeping it bottled up inside isn't going to help. It might all just come out at once later on and completely destroy your relationship. I didn't realize how important a healthy amount of confrontation is and God really just put it on my heart that i need to share whats on my heart, that if i confront whatever situation is in love than it's okay and it is good for my relationship.
I think its the same thing with God. Although he already knows what's going on. God wants us to confront him about what's bothering us or how we are hurting and just whats going on in our lives. I think God sees us like we would see a Glass house. You can see everything that's going on inside. And you can try to hide things but you probably won't do a very good job at it because you are still living in a glass house. Maybe that's a terrible comparison but it's how i see it.
What are you holding back? What aren't you saying that you should? What are you trying to hide from God that he already knows?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Why is encouragement so foreign?
What if we lived a life filled with only encouraging thoughts, and encouraging words. What if we never put each other down but only uplifted one another in words and actions. I felt a little bit of how that would feel last night and it was wonderful. Last night was girls night for our youth girls. It was a lot of fun. We laughed, we hugged, we cried, we made pizza's and the best part was we had a seat of encouragement. What is this seat of encouragement i speak of? Well it was really a mattress on the floor but the bed of encouragement didn't sound as nice as the seat of encouragement. Anyways, It was kind of like a game. One person sat in "the seat" and we went around the circle and everyone had to say what they liked, loved, admired, or whatever else came to their mind about this person that was encouraging. Everyone got a turn sitting in "the seat" and everyone had to say only encouraging things. Sitting in the sit was uncomfortable, although enjoyable. For some, it was hard to say encouraging things due to the fact that it was their sibling but for some it was hard because they had to show a soft side of them that they don't always allow others to see. I felt like i seemed conceited because i enjoyed hearing these words of encouragement. They lifted up my spirits and made me feel good about who i am. I am a fairly confident woman and it felt good to know that others appreciated me or like my bubbly spirit or that they like that when they walk in a room i want to greet them with big hugs. But i shouldn't feel awkward that i liked it. And is shouldn't of felt foreign for us to hear those things.
Why is it though that when we hear words of encouragement it is awkward. That we shy away from it. That we don't act like we want to hear people say good things about it. Is that what this world has come to? Too many people saying discouraging things to one another that to hear uplifting things seem foreign. What if we lived life where we didn't put others down, but instead loved them unconditionally. Isn't that what God does for us? He may not like what we do or the decisions we make but he loves us regardless, never putting us down and crushing our spirits.
God does that for us and we sometimes reject it like we do when other people encourage us.
Why is it though that when we hear words of encouragement it is awkward. That we shy away from it. That we don't act like we want to hear people say good things about it. Is that what this world has come to? Too many people saying discouraging things to one another that to hear uplifting things seem foreign. What if we lived life where we didn't put others down, but instead loved them unconditionally. Isn't that what God does for us? He may not like what we do or the decisions we make but he loves us regardless, never putting us down and crushing our spirits.
God does that for us and we sometimes reject it like we do when other people encourage us.
Friday, July 24, 2009
I am Called
God has always been amazing, but recently God has opened up my eyes to a lot of things. I just got back from super summer a week ago and it really has changed my life. It amazes me how much super summer continues to be stepping stones in my walk with the Lord. This year’s theme was called. Afshin was the speaker and God has really blessed him with that gift because he really helped show us a lot of things.
So I am going to be honest for a bit, not that I am not an honest person but sometimes it is hard to share your struggles with others. Lately I have seriously been struggling with my lack of friendships. My best friend, Lisa just moved and I used to hang out with her all the time and we made it a point to hang out weekly and she just helped me stay in line a bit. We kept each other accountable and although we can still do that over the phone, hanging out with other people is kind of an important thing. I have met many people over the years and have built some friendships but honestly I tend to befriend people who don't care about me as much as I care about them. I befriend people who I can't rely on and who aren't there for me like I am there for them. It gets frustrating. I am tired of having crappy friends. And the friends I do have that are genuinely godly people are just so busy. Anyways so I got tired of this. I felt that I deserved better than having crappy relationships with people, so I stopped hanging out with them. Not that I won't be here if they need me I just didn't need them anymore. I guess I hadn't really noticed how lonely I was until I got to super summer. This was the first time since I was about to be a freshman that I didn't know anyone else at super summer. I mean Phillip was there, but it wasn't the same. For the past several years there have been numerous women from my church who have gone to super summer as TL's. People who cared about me and who would be there for me as a shoulder to cry on or just give me a hug when I needed it. This year I didn't have that. And I didn't realize how hard that was going to be for me. My love language is physical touch. And hugs mean so much to me, and sometimes I just need a hug. Well due to the rules Phillip couldn't even give me a hug that I needed to comfort me. And I was just struggling. I was struggling with God because I felt like I didn't have anyone in my life that could be there for me and I felt so lonely. I was mad because God couldn't come down in human form and give me a hug and just hold me as I wept. Well God really just broke me during the training weekend. That sometimes God just needs to be enough in my life. That it is okay for him to be my best friend and sometimes only friend. He filled me with a sense of peace and comfort and it was amazing to feel and know that God was with me.
There was one night that we were talking about how illiterate that we have become. Illiterate in knowledge of our bible. He asked the students all 800 or so of them to stand up if they could recite from 3 verses from memory with references. It was amazing to see how few students stood up. My guess is probably around 25-30 students. In my yellow school alone I believe no more than 3 students stood up. These students are leaders in their youth group and they don't know their bible. I do not write about this to be judgmental but because it amazed me in how we as Americans don't know our bible as much as we should. That there are Christians in other countries who memorize chapters because it is against the law to have bibles. People who could be persecuted for being a Christian and here I am somewhat illiterate and take it for granted that I can speak the name of Jesus and know that I won't get arrested for it.
I have been digging in my word. Why? Not just because I felt guilt or shame, but because I realized that my relationship with God needed to be more than just talking to him through prayer and worship but that I was never going to get to know him unless I read about him. I mean I know God is a humorous God just by things that happen in my life and others but how am I going to understand him unless I read about why he did certain things or acted certain ways through different circumstances throughout the bible. I have been challenging myself to start memorizing weekly scriptures. This week my verse is Matthew 10:38-39 "Any anyone who does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it. And whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." The verses before it really hit me. It talks about loving your mother and father more than God and loving your sons and daughters more than God. Do you? Sometimes I feel like that I love my parents more than God. Not intentionally, but that's the way I act. Especially when I shove God aside and say forget you, or when I don't feel like listening or obeying him, or when I don't give him any time in my day. Yet as soon as my parents call me on my cell I pick of the phone and answer it.
I asked my students how deep their love for God was. Would they lay their life down for him? Sacrifice their earthly life for a life that will be eternal. Do you love God enough that when you have children that you would sacrifice their lives for God. Understanding that they are his children first and he just gave you earthy parenthood over them. I heard this story about this family that is in a country that they can't speak of because if caught could be arrested and put in prison because they have an underground church. It is a husband, a wife, and they have a 6 year old daughter. Someone asked the little girl if it scared her knowing that she could get caught. And she said something along the lines of this is not my life, but God's, and how this isn't her home heaven is, and Jesus died for us and that she wasn't scared to die for him. A 6 year old. How many people can say that they honestly aren't afraid to die for God's sake? I didn't know if I could. I didn't know that I could trust God at this moment to put a 6 year old little girl in that environment. That I could trust God enough to protect her or do with her as he wanted. But I'm working on that. That's part of surrendering daily to him. My relationship with God has seriously flourished. It really has. I feel closer to him than I ever have before. And it's amazing and it's something that I don't want to lose.
Everything else in my life has been good. I have a wonderful family, an amazingly Godly and very handsome boyfriend who treats me like a princess and only encourages me in my walk with the Lord. I start school up again next month and I'm nervous about my classes because it seems like a hard semester but I am going to get through it. I have a job that is in a Christian environment that allows me to read the bible during free time and lets me off work for church events. And I have met some really awesome students in Phillip's youth group who have such a heart for God and really encourage me. And it's been so wonderful getting to know them. It really has.
So what’s next for me? Finish school, Be a missionary in work, school, home, church, and everywhere else, love the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength.
And when I finish school or maybe before them, I am going go to another country and preach God's word. Because we have already been called. We need to get off our lazy butts and stop waiting to hear from God to tell us to go because Jesus already told us to go.
Matthew 28:19-20
Mark 16:50
Acts 1:7-8
"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."
Hebrews 11:8
So I am going to be honest for a bit, not that I am not an honest person but sometimes it is hard to share your struggles with others. Lately I have seriously been struggling with my lack of friendships. My best friend, Lisa just moved and I used to hang out with her all the time and we made it a point to hang out weekly and she just helped me stay in line a bit. We kept each other accountable and although we can still do that over the phone, hanging out with other people is kind of an important thing. I have met many people over the years and have built some friendships but honestly I tend to befriend people who don't care about me as much as I care about them. I befriend people who I can't rely on and who aren't there for me like I am there for them. It gets frustrating. I am tired of having crappy friends. And the friends I do have that are genuinely godly people are just so busy. Anyways so I got tired of this. I felt that I deserved better than having crappy relationships with people, so I stopped hanging out with them. Not that I won't be here if they need me I just didn't need them anymore. I guess I hadn't really noticed how lonely I was until I got to super summer. This was the first time since I was about to be a freshman that I didn't know anyone else at super summer. I mean Phillip was there, but it wasn't the same. For the past several years there have been numerous women from my church who have gone to super summer as TL's. People who cared about me and who would be there for me as a shoulder to cry on or just give me a hug when I needed it. This year I didn't have that. And I didn't realize how hard that was going to be for me. My love language is physical touch. And hugs mean so much to me, and sometimes I just need a hug. Well due to the rules Phillip couldn't even give me a hug that I needed to comfort me. And I was just struggling. I was struggling with God because I felt like I didn't have anyone in my life that could be there for me and I felt so lonely. I was mad because God couldn't come down in human form and give me a hug and just hold me as I wept. Well God really just broke me during the training weekend. That sometimes God just needs to be enough in my life. That it is okay for him to be my best friend and sometimes only friend. He filled me with a sense of peace and comfort and it was amazing to feel and know that God was with me.
There was one night that we were talking about how illiterate that we have become. Illiterate in knowledge of our bible. He asked the students all 800 or so of them to stand up if they could recite from 3 verses from memory with references. It was amazing to see how few students stood up. My guess is probably around 25-30 students. In my yellow school alone I believe no more than 3 students stood up. These students are leaders in their youth group and they don't know their bible. I do not write about this to be judgmental but because it amazed me in how we as Americans don't know our bible as much as we should. That there are Christians in other countries who memorize chapters because it is against the law to have bibles. People who could be persecuted for being a Christian and here I am somewhat illiterate and take it for granted that I can speak the name of Jesus and know that I won't get arrested for it.
I have been digging in my word. Why? Not just because I felt guilt or shame, but because I realized that my relationship with God needed to be more than just talking to him through prayer and worship but that I was never going to get to know him unless I read about him. I mean I know God is a humorous God just by things that happen in my life and others but how am I going to understand him unless I read about why he did certain things or acted certain ways through different circumstances throughout the bible. I have been challenging myself to start memorizing weekly scriptures. This week my verse is Matthew 10:38-39 "Any anyone who does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it. And whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." The verses before it really hit me. It talks about loving your mother and father more than God and loving your sons and daughters more than God. Do you? Sometimes I feel like that I love my parents more than God. Not intentionally, but that's the way I act. Especially when I shove God aside and say forget you, or when I don't feel like listening or obeying him, or when I don't give him any time in my day. Yet as soon as my parents call me on my cell I pick of the phone and answer it.
I asked my students how deep their love for God was. Would they lay their life down for him? Sacrifice their earthly life for a life that will be eternal. Do you love God enough that when you have children that you would sacrifice their lives for God. Understanding that they are his children first and he just gave you earthy parenthood over them. I heard this story about this family that is in a country that they can't speak of because if caught could be arrested and put in prison because they have an underground church. It is a husband, a wife, and they have a 6 year old daughter. Someone asked the little girl if it scared her knowing that she could get caught. And she said something along the lines of this is not my life, but God's, and how this isn't her home heaven is, and Jesus died for us and that she wasn't scared to die for him. A 6 year old. How many people can say that they honestly aren't afraid to die for God's sake? I didn't know if I could. I didn't know that I could trust God at this moment to put a 6 year old little girl in that environment. That I could trust God enough to protect her or do with her as he wanted. But I'm working on that. That's part of surrendering daily to him. My relationship with God has seriously flourished. It really has. I feel closer to him than I ever have before. And it's amazing and it's something that I don't want to lose.
Everything else in my life has been good. I have a wonderful family, an amazingly Godly and very handsome boyfriend who treats me like a princess and only encourages me in my walk with the Lord. I start school up again next month and I'm nervous about my classes because it seems like a hard semester but I am going to get through it. I have a job that is in a Christian environment that allows me to read the bible during free time and lets me off work for church events. And I have met some really awesome students in Phillip's youth group who have such a heart for God and really encourage me. And it's been so wonderful getting to know them. It really has.
So what’s next for me? Finish school, Be a missionary in work, school, home, church, and everywhere else, love the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength.
And when I finish school or maybe before them, I am going go to another country and preach God's word. Because we have already been called. We need to get off our lazy butts and stop waiting to hear from God to tell us to go because Jesus already told us to go.
Matthew 28:19-20
Mark 16:50
Acts 1:7-8
"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."
Hebrews 11:8
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Oh what a day
So today i had an amazing 2 hour lunch with Mrs. Amy, you know catching up on life. Amy asked me a question that i ponder often. She asked me what i would tell girls now about dating in High School. I believe i trailed off into a 30 minute long answer. It was amazing, i felt like i was having a revolution(i think that's the right word) about what i should be/or am being called to do. I have always felt that God was calling me into some sort of ministy i just hadn't figure it out yet. Anyways, i have this amazing passion for younger girls and thier dating relationships. Not just about being pure, because sure that is a HUGE part of it, but just everything that goes along with it. I read a few months ago "When God Writes Your Love Story" By Leslie and Eric Ludy and i am currently reading "Every womans battle", but i just have such passion about how i believe girls should approach dating and why we settle. I started answering her question by talking about how as a young christian girl we truly long for a nice christian guy, but we feel as if we never meet many or any at all and so instead of waiting till we do we start to settle. We lower our standards a little. In our hearts we believe that we deserve a great guy but then feel as if maybe our standards are too high or we are asking too much by wanting a God fearing Man. So then starts the fall. Once you lower your standards once then the more you lower them the next time you date a guy. We start to date "good" non-christian guys even though what God truly wants for us is a great God fearing man. But within his time. We don't want to be patient because all the girls around us are dating and we feel left out.But in reality they are just doing the same thing. So then, we put ourselves out there too much emotionally, giving everything we have to keep this guy in our lives and things don't work out. We become heart broken and go to the next guy. When what God really wants is for us to desire him. For us to be fully satisfied in him and not in some guy. I think girls determine how pretty they are based upon what guys think of them. We get up and get dressed and pick out our outfits in relation to who we are going to see that day. But why? Why is it that the more guys you have paying attention to you the prettier you are? I mean that's what our culture teaches us. Why doesn't it teach us that God made us just the way he wanted us. And that we are beauitful just the way we are. Then if you want to talk about purity and that aspect of dating theres is the whole temptation thing. I think that as girls we feel guilty or shameful when tempted or pressured into pushing the limits and going to far. And sometimes when you feel that guilt and shame you give in because of it. But we shouldn't be guilty for being tempted. Temptation isn't a sin, Jesus was tempted, and he did not sin. If girls could understand that God wants us to give our love and affection that we give to guys to him, and not to lower our standards to fit in or to feel loved and girls leaned on each other to stand firm in that how different our lives could be. What if a whole group of strong christian girls who were dating non christian guy decided they no longer wanted to settler. That instead they were going to focus on giving thier hearts to God. Letting him show them what true love really is. And wait for God to present a strong christian guy in thier lives. What would that relationship become once it started. What would the friendships of those girls be like if they were truely honest with each other during the struggle of not dating anyone. I believe those relationship would be amazing.
Had I had that mind set and known those things my dating life would be completely different. I've done it, i've settled, i've gotten tired of waiting around for a nice christian guy to come around and dated some "good" guys, but they didn't help me grow spiritually. They weren't helping me in my walk with Christ. They weren't challenging me to be better. I wasn't bearing fruit and i was seaking out the Lord because it wasn't something that they were doing. I find it very important to involve God in your dating relationship. Extremely important. And i wish that in High School had i realized all the things i know now that i might have approached things differently. And i don't have all the answers and i don't know everything. But i've learned so much, and i just have this passion for girls who are going through it. Because i wish someone had been real with me, i wish i had known that temptation isnt' a sin and that i didn't have to feel guilt or shame when being tempted. That somewhere in the bible it talks about submitting or honoring your husband all the days of your life. Not just from the day you meet him or get married, all the days. That means honoring him by the way i treat my relationships with the guys i date now. If i give everything I have to everyguy i date what will have to give to my husband one day? Well i found if very comforting realizing i had such a passion for this. I really hope i can figure out a way to get myself involved in a ministry that helps young women.
Had I had that mind set and known those things my dating life would be completely different. I've done it, i've settled, i've gotten tired of waiting around for a nice christian guy to come around and dated some "good" guys, but they didn't help me grow spiritually. They weren't helping me in my walk with Christ. They weren't challenging me to be better. I wasn't bearing fruit and i was seaking out the Lord because it wasn't something that they were doing. I find it very important to involve God in your dating relationship. Extremely important. And i wish that in High School had i realized all the things i know now that i might have approached things differently. And i don't have all the answers and i don't know everything. But i've learned so much, and i just have this passion for girls who are going through it. Because i wish someone had been real with me, i wish i had known that temptation isnt' a sin and that i didn't have to feel guilt or shame when being tempted. That somewhere in the bible it talks about submitting or honoring your husband all the days of your life. Not just from the day you meet him or get married, all the days. That means honoring him by the way i treat my relationships with the guys i date now. If i give everything I have to everyguy i date what will have to give to my husband one day? Well i found if very comforting realizing i had such a passion for this. I really hope i can figure out a way to get myself involved in a ministry that helps young women.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Cause it's you alone i live for!
It's about time for a new blog.
So, i was listening to KLTY radio. Which is a Dallas/Fort Worth area radio station, but i prefer their music selection over klove's. Anyways, this lady was talking about how there were times in her life that she would ask people for help. But they would just tell her that she would eventually figure it out. It takes me back to times when i have seen people go through hard times or difficulties and look back and see that if i had said what was on my mind, or put in my thoughts about whatever was happening, that things might have not of turned out so well. I believe that there is a time to step in and say "hey, somethings not right here", but there are also times where you have to let close ones make their own decision.
It's like my relationship with God. There are times where God is like "HEY KRISTYN!!!" in his big powerful voice out of the clouds...(jk.. that was for dramatic effect) anyways... God says "Hey, Kristyn! We need to talk! You are so far away from me, let me help you get back on the right track" But there are also times that God just watches me make my own decision. Even if sometimes i ask him for help. Don't get me wrong, God will walk along side me, but he allows us to make our own decisions. God's love for us is unconditional which to me just amazes me. And sometimes he allows us to go through our journey and just watch us so that we learn what ever it is that he may be trying to teach us.
It's pretty Amazing!
BTW: It's nice to finally blog again!
So, i was listening to KLTY radio. Which is a Dallas/Fort Worth area radio station, but i prefer their music selection over klove's. Anyways, this lady was talking about how there were times in her life that she would ask people for help. But they would just tell her that she would eventually figure it out. It takes me back to times when i have seen people go through hard times or difficulties and look back and see that if i had said what was on my mind, or put in my thoughts about whatever was happening, that things might have not of turned out so well. I believe that there is a time to step in and say "hey, somethings not right here", but there are also times where you have to let close ones make their own decision.
It's like my relationship with God. There are times where God is like "HEY KRISTYN!!!" in his big powerful voice out of the clouds...(jk.. that was for dramatic effect) anyways... God says "Hey, Kristyn! We need to talk! You are so far away from me, let me help you get back on the right track" But there are also times that God just watches me make my own decision. Even if sometimes i ask him for help. Don't get me wrong, God will walk along side me, but he allows us to make our own decisions. God's love for us is unconditional which to me just amazes me. And sometimes he allows us to go through our journey and just watch us so that we learn what ever it is that he may be trying to teach us.
It's pretty Amazing!
BTW: It's nice to finally blog again!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Tired of waiting
I'm still at the hospital. i spent 15 hours at the hospital yesterday and it was all worth it for the 10 minutes that i got to see Jeremy. He looked so helpless but just seeing him and knowing everything went well made me feel better.
Today i woke up at 7, got ready and went to the hospital. I got to spend an hour and a half just sitting with him because his family hadn't arrived yet. I was excited. Time flew by but i was happy afterwards. He didn't talk to me too much but i got him to smile a couple of time and that made me happy.
I thought i was going to cry, i was crying out to God silently but it just killed me to hear that he can't feel the left side of his body. He wanted me to hold his left hand which i was, and he was squeezing it, but in his little mumbly way he said he couldn't feel my hand. He kept looking for something and i asked what he was looking for and he told me his hand. I just wanted to cry for him. His sister was touching his foot and leg asking him if he could feel it, but he couldn't. It hurts me because i know he's stressing out about it. We are hoping it all has to do with the swelling of his head and so when the swelling goes down that the sensation and motor skills will return to his left side of his body.
It is so hard sitting in a waiting room all day long. I can't wait till he moves out of ICU. I need to be reading for school but i wish i could be just next to him reading, no matter how silly that sounds, it would just make me feel better. But being in the ICU there are only 2 people allowed back at a time, which his parents are back there doing just that, after sitting her next to them for the past 15 minutes wishing that i had the courage to ask them if that was okay before they did just that. But i didn't. Go figure.
It's hard just sitting here. My heart hurts for him. He just got out of an IMRI which is a new type of MRI that they do and is now sleeping. He did not want to go do the MRI, because he's already in much pain and i guess the MRI hurt yesterday and so he didn't want to hurt anymore. It just makes me sad. I can't imaging being in his position. I can't imagine hurting like him. I keep praying, That's all i know how to do. I can't do anything else.
This time is different from the last time. Last surgery he had he was up and moving around by now. But he's not, and he can't. He tries to move around but he's in so much pain. I don't know what else they are supposed to do today. We are waiting on the Doctor to come back and tell us the results of the MRI.....
many many many hours later...
Well so while i was typing all that above, Jeremy's parents came back and the MRI results showed what they think was a stroke. They told me he was awake and i could go back to see him. Well i went with his sister Jennifer and then she left and my mom came back. I told my mom that i was going to sit back there till his parents decided they wanted to. So basically i spent all day by Jeremy's bedside. I got to see him move his left foot.
Well he's doing better, but in much pain still. He's still in ICU and hopefully they will move him out later. Although he is hurting and i am still in prayer i am happier that i got to spend most of the day with him, and that i know for sure now that his parents like me, which was something i was very much worried about!!!!
GOODNIGHT
Today i woke up at 7, got ready and went to the hospital. I got to spend an hour and a half just sitting with him because his family hadn't arrived yet. I was excited. Time flew by but i was happy afterwards. He didn't talk to me too much but i got him to smile a couple of time and that made me happy.
I thought i was going to cry, i was crying out to God silently but it just killed me to hear that he can't feel the left side of his body. He wanted me to hold his left hand which i was, and he was squeezing it, but in his little mumbly way he said he couldn't feel my hand. He kept looking for something and i asked what he was looking for and he told me his hand. I just wanted to cry for him. His sister was touching his foot and leg asking him if he could feel it, but he couldn't. It hurts me because i know he's stressing out about it. We are hoping it all has to do with the swelling of his head and so when the swelling goes down that the sensation and motor skills will return to his left side of his body.
It is so hard sitting in a waiting room all day long. I can't wait till he moves out of ICU. I need to be reading for school but i wish i could be just next to him reading, no matter how silly that sounds, it would just make me feel better. But being in the ICU there are only 2 people allowed back at a time, which his parents are back there doing just that, after sitting her next to them for the past 15 minutes wishing that i had the courage to ask them if that was okay before they did just that. But i didn't. Go figure.
It's hard just sitting here. My heart hurts for him. He just got out of an IMRI which is a new type of MRI that they do and is now sleeping. He did not want to go do the MRI, because he's already in much pain and i guess the MRI hurt yesterday and so he didn't want to hurt anymore. It just makes me sad. I can't imaging being in his position. I can't imagine hurting like him. I keep praying, That's all i know how to do. I can't do anything else.
This time is different from the last time. Last surgery he had he was up and moving around by now. But he's not, and he can't. He tries to move around but he's in so much pain. I don't know what else they are supposed to do today. We are waiting on the Doctor to come back and tell us the results of the MRI.....
many many many hours later...
Well so while i was typing all that above, Jeremy's parents came back and the MRI results showed what they think was a stroke. They told me he was awake and i could go back to see him. Well i went with his sister Jennifer and then she left and my mom came back. I told my mom that i was going to sit back there till his parents decided they wanted to. So basically i spent all day by Jeremy's bedside. I got to see him move his left foot.
Well he's doing better, but in much pain still. He's still in ICU and hopefully they will move him out later. Although he is hurting and i am still in prayer i am happier that i got to spend most of the day with him, and that i know for sure now that his parents like me, which was something i was very much worried about!!!!
GOODNIGHT
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart
Today i am very nervous, though most of my nervousness has passed by now, i am worried the Jeremy i have come to know and love will be different. See today Jeremy is in surgery. He was diagnosed with epilepsy during high school and had surgery during his junior yr in high school. But his seizures continued. So today he is in surgery for the removal of his temporal lobe. It's been amazing to see how much trust i have to put in the Lord so that i am at peace with the things going on. People have just been amazing. My dad sent out and an email to all the people he knows that are prayer warriors and they forwarded the email to people they know. People from San Antonio, Tx all the way to Africa have been praying for Jeremy and his family.
I'm ready to see him already i have become very anxious, yet keeping myself occupied with playing with Jeremy's 4 year old nephew Dylan. He's really cute and it's been nice to keep my mind off of worrying about Jeremy. He is trusting in the Lord and so am
Jeremy is currently in ICU and has not woken from the Anesthesia. His mom after passing out throwing up from some virus she has went home before the surgery is over. Please keep his family in your prayers. Apparently his left side of the body is pretty weak but they say that is normal considering they removed alot of the right side of his brain. We don't know if anything with his personality or memory has changed. I really hope that everything is fine and i trust God but i am currently struggling with worrying about that too much.
All i can do is wait. And waiting is hard to do....
As 1 Cor. 13 4-7 says... love is patient...
So i am trying to be patient.
I'm ready to see him already i have become very anxious, yet keeping myself occupied with playing with Jeremy's 4 year old nephew Dylan. He's really cute and it's been nice to keep my mind off of worrying about Jeremy. He is trusting in the Lord and so am
Jeremy is currently in ICU and has not woken from the Anesthesia. His mom after passing out throwing up from some virus she has went home before the surgery is over. Please keep his family in your prayers. Apparently his left side of the body is pretty weak but they say that is normal considering they removed alot of the right side of his brain. We don't know if anything with his personality or memory has changed. I really hope that everything is fine and i trust God but i am currently struggling with worrying about that too much.
All i can do is wait. And waiting is hard to do....
As 1 Cor. 13 4-7 says... love is patient...
So i am trying to be patient.
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