Tired of waiting

I'm still at the hospital. i spent 15 hours at the hospital yesterday and it was all worth it for the 10 minutes that i got to see Jeremy. He looked so helpless but just seeing him and knowing everything went well made me feel better.

Today i woke up at 7, got ready and went to the hospital. I got to spend an hour and a half just sitting with him because his family hadn't arrived yet. I was excited. Time flew by but i was happy afterwards. He didn't talk to me too much but i got him to smile a couple of time and that made me happy.

I thought i was going to cry, i was crying out to God silently but it just killed me to hear that he can't feel the left side of his body. He wanted me to hold his left hand which i was, and he was squeezing it, but in his little mumbly way he said he couldn't feel my hand. He kept looking for something and i asked what he was looking for and he told me his hand. I just wanted to cry for him. His sister was touching his foot and leg asking him if he could feel it, but he couldn't. It hurts me because i know he's stressing out about it. We are hoping it all has to do with the swelling of his head and so when the swelling goes down that the sensation and motor skills will return to his left side of his body.

It is so hard sitting in a waiting room all day long. I can't wait till he moves out of ICU. I need to be reading for school but i wish i could be just next to him reading, no matter how silly that sounds, it would just make me feel better. But being in the ICU there are only 2 people allowed back at a time, which his parents are back there doing just that, after sitting her next to them for the past 15 minutes wishing that i had the courage to ask them if that was okay before they did just that. But i didn't. Go figure.

It's hard just sitting here. My heart hurts for him. He just got out of an IMRI which is a new type of MRI that they do and is now sleeping. He did not want to go do the MRI, because he's already in much pain and i guess the MRI hurt yesterday and so he didn't want to hurt anymore. It just makes me sad. I can't imaging being in his position. I can't imagine hurting like him. I keep praying, That's all i know how to do. I can't do anything else.

This time is different from the last time. Last surgery he had he was up and moving around by now. But he's not, and he can't. He tries to move around but he's in so much pain. I don't know what else they are supposed to do today. We are waiting on the Doctor to come back and tell us the results of the MRI.....

many many many hours later...

Well so while i was typing all that above, Jeremy's parents came back and the MRI results showed what they think was a stroke. They told me he was awake and i could go back to see him. Well i went with his sister Jennifer and then she left and my mom came back. I told my mom that i was going to sit back there till his parents decided they wanted to. So basically i spent all day by Jeremy's bedside. I got to see him move his left foot.

Well he's doing better, but in much pain still. He's still in ICU and hopefully they will move him out later. Although he is hurting and i am still in prayer i am happier that i got to spend most of the day with him, and that i know for sure now that his parents like me, which was something i was very much worried about!!!!

GOODNIGHT

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart

Today i am very nervous, though most of my nervousness has passed by now, i am worried the Jeremy i have come to know and love will be different. See today Jeremy is in surgery. He was diagnosed with epilepsy during high school and had surgery during his junior yr in high school. But his seizures continued. So today he is in surgery for the removal of his temporal lobe. It's been amazing to see how much trust i have to put in the Lord so that i am at peace with the things going on. People have just been amazing. My dad sent out and an email to all the people he knows that are prayer warriors and they forwarded the email to people they know. People from San Antonio, Tx all the way to Africa have been praying for Jeremy and his family.

I'm ready to see him already i have become very anxious, yet keeping myself occupied with playing with Jeremy's 4 year old nephew Dylan. He's really cute and it's been nice to keep my mind off of worrying about Jeremy. He is trusting in the Lord and so am

Jeremy is currently in ICU and has not woken from the Anesthesia. His mom after passing out throwing up from some virus she has went home before the surgery is over. Please keep his family in your prayers. Apparently his left side of the body is pretty weak but they say that is normal considering they removed alot of the right side of his brain. We don't know if anything with his personality or memory has changed. I really hope that everything is fine and i trust God but i am currently struggling with worrying about that too much.

All i can do is wait. And waiting is hard to do....

As 1 Cor. 13 4-7 says... love is patient...

So i am trying to be patient.

With all of my heart I'm going to Love you

Ok, so i have gotten off track, i guess i have just been so busy feeling like things in my life are going good and managing it that yet again i have brushed my reading the bible aside. Starting a habit is seriously hard. I'm already behind. :-( I really wish that i could have said that i accomplished my 30 days without missing any, but i can't. I never thought it was going to be easy and it isn't. But why? Probably because being a christian isn't always easy either. We have trials and tribulations and we fall down but i also have a great father who will pick me up. Brush off the dirt for me and tell me to keep trying, never to give up, because he's going to always love me. So here again i will start another 30 days. So wish me good luck and if you happen to ever talk to me or see me, don't be afriad to ask me if i've read my bible consistently everyday. I'd appreciate if i had the help of others to keep me accountable.

Now on to the excitements in my life. I have been talking to this great christian guy that i happened to meet at super summer. I have built the greatest friendship with him over the last month and i really believe that our relationship is centered around christ which is really an encouraging thing. Well I am leaving tomorrow morning to go visit him for a few days, as well as spend some time with some family. I'm really excited about it. But, one thing i hope for all my readers is that you keep him in your prayers. See he was diagnosed with Epilepsy his Junior Year of high school. He's had brain surgery once to remove some tissue in the brain. Well, his seizure are still happening more often than the doctors would like, and tomorrow morning he has a meeting with them to discuss whether or not they would like to perform another surgery where they actually remove a part of his brain. So while i'm on my drive up he's meeting with them. He had a big seizure on Saturday and is kind of bummed because he went 3 months without having a "big" one and every time he has a big or "grandma" seizure he can't drive for 6 months. So if you'd keep that in your prayers i would be so greatful.

Thanks my friends!!
I love you all!

1 Day down and 29 more to go!

Ok so i am going to hold myself accountable, and hopefully those who read this will keep me accountable to this as well, I am going to strive to read my bible every day for the next 30 days. I have heard that it takes 30 days to make a habit, and I know of all people that it is so hard to be in the word once school starts up. So Here I am going to try. I'm not going to randomly read different parts. I have started in the past week to start reading about the life of David, a Man after God's own heart. I want to learn how to be that, how to be humble and passionate about God as David was. I know that David was not perfect, he was not Jesus. But I believe he's in the bible to teach us alot. So i'm reading through Samuel 1 and 2. And my dad recently told me he had a book that might help me, as well as a friend who said he'd go through it with me as well.

God is so amazing, and i find that i feel very guilty when i spend so much of my day doing other things and forgetting or not ever having time to seek him and learn about him. I mean i love spending quality time with my friends so why is it, that i don't find time to spend some quality time with my creator. So this is my goal for the next 30 days. I'm so excited for school to start and i believe that this is a great way to kick off this next Semester.

Another Glorious Night

My dear fellow bloggers:

Another night I spent babysitting and again God met me here. Instead of watching tv after the kids had left I decided that It would be a good idea to read my bible. I really want to study the life of David. I want to learn how he became a man after God’s own heart. So I didn’t know where David first comes into the bible. So I started off in 1 kings thinking that since David was a king that he’d be in there. But the 1st chapter talks about King David giving up his thrown to Solomon, so I went back, and found where Samuel is looking for a king. What I learned as I read tonight was more about how David was just the runt of the family, how his father didn’t bring him to see if he was “fit enough” to be king. David was so humble. Somehow I started thinking about my own dad. About how yesterday when I had lunch with him how when he saw someone he knew he was always so proud in saying “This is my daughter Kristyn, she’s having lunch with me today” And he said it in a way that made me so happy to be his daughter, to know that he loves me and that he’s proud of me and wants everyone to know that I’m his daughter. I started to think about how I value my earthly fathers opinion of me, that may be silly but I do. I care a lot about whether or not he’s proud of me. And so as I read the chapter in Samuel and was reflecting on it I began to wonder why I treat my relationship with my earthly father better than my heavenly. Why is it that I care so much about my father’s opinion is here on earth? I mean I care a lot of what God thinks of me, but how often do I tell him that. How often do I ask for God’s approval in my life. Or why is it that when I argue with God that I still make the wrong decision. And that here on earthy I always end up making the decision my dad thought was best for me. But I believe God is never ashamed to call me his daughter, even through my mistakes, yet I treat him differently…

David was so humble, he was just a runt, but he loved God so much. People talked very highly of David. I wish someone would say this about me “ He’s also courageous, of age, well-spoken, and good-looking, And GOD is with him” I mean, I know God is with me, But how often do I hear people say “ Oh Kristyn… God’s with her” And that be a blessing, something that people want or are looking for when searching for whoever… For david they were just looking for someone to play a harp, but it made his “resume” better because “GOD is with him” What if we could put that in our resume. But why can’t we, why is it that we don’t. I mean why don’t I put under my strengths list, “follower of Jesus Christ” I mean I see that as a strength in my life, but that’s not something I list when in search for a Job.

God’s shown me a lot, and it’s all kind of random and jibberish thoughts and highly unorganized but it is also 12:10AM and I am also tired.

God is Amazing

The month of July has been really crazy and not in a bad way. On top of hanging out with some of the coolest people ever all the time this month amazing things have been happening in my life. I had been really bummed that i hadn't signed up for Super Summer. A week and a half before the TL's were supposed to leave for super summer i found out that i had been signed up and paid for to go. It was amazing. I was so excited. I found out that i was going to be in Orange School with Katy and Amy and was then super stoked. Well a few days before i was supposed to leave i found out that i had been moved to be a TL for Blue School. I was really bummed at first but then became excited because i had started going to Super Summer my blue school year and remembered how that year was my favorite. I had the most amazing week. God showed me a lot while i was there. That he was proud of me for content and patient with the plans that he has for me. That i need to be digging into his word. That marking a check on a checklist of what is "good" isn't good enough. I mean in my life. That God doesn't want me just to know about him, but wants me to be like him and that the only way to do that is by digging into what Jesus did. I had really been praying about a friendship that i had in my life that i wasn't supposed to be in my life. I asked God that when i got back that if he didn't want it there anymore that he needed to remove it because i wasn't strong enough to do it. Sure enough Monday afternoon i received a phone call saying that being friends wasn't going to work. And my so called "friend" belittled me and it made me realize even more how much i didn't need that in my life. God is doing so much in my life right now. I had someone just start asking me questions yesterday about what i believe in a chat on facebook. How cool is that?!? I heard at Super Summer that it's good to ask God to put people in your life to share your story. But if our lives were in line with Jesus than people would come to you. 

So are people coming to you? Does your life reflect the life of Christ? I know I have a lot to work on before i even begin to come close. But God is so amazing. And he's showed me so much in the past week. It's been so awesome!!! I guess i never realized how much God would bless me for being obedient and content with him. 

"God is most glorified with us when we are satisfied in him"

From the eyes of a child

As i babysat on Saturday night 3 little girls i saw this movie called "Gigi, God's little Princess" I found it amazing how i felt even as a 19 year old i could relate to a story that i was watching with two, four year olds. The story was about a little girl who on her birthday was going to recieve a castle. So she goes on a hunt for the perfect castle, "her" perfect castle. She passes by at least 6 castle before she realizes that she isn't going to find the castle that she wants. So Princess Gigi shows her lady the picture of what she wants and they start working on the plans. Well When the Lady comes back with the plans the King had made for her she didn't like them. She wanted the Castle like Princess Pink Star or something like that. And the Lady said, "But these are the plans the King has made specifically for you" Well the Princess didn't care and she drew up her own plans and the workers started up on. When she went to go look at her Castle She didn't see Flowers on the outside instead she saw ferns and she wanted flowers, and instead of a chocolate milk moat she saw a moat full of water, and instead of a giant bath tub she saw a little bath tub. Well the Princess was upset and wanted her Castle to look just like the one she had a picture of. The lady tried to convince her that the King had made his plans just for her, but the princess wanted the changes made her way. So they lady told the workers and they finished the castle. Well, when the Princess went to go see her castle there were flowers everywhere and she started to sneeze, Well the lady said "You are allergic to flowers, that's why the King planted Ferns". So they continued to walk towards the castle and there were bee's everywhere. Gigi was scared and the lady said something about them being attracted to the chocolate milk and that's why the King had put water in there first. So they swim through the chocolate milk and get inside the castle and Gigi wants to take a bath in her gigantic bath tub. Well it's too tall and she can't stand in it so she starts to drown and the Lady has to save her. Well the Lady said "The king put a little sink and a little tub so that you would fit in it".

It makes me think about all the times in my life where i think my way is the right way, and then i'm completely wrong. How i let my wants become more important than what God wants for me in my life. I think that's what my biggest struggle in my life has been in the past year. In trying to figure our "who i am", "who i'm going to become", "what is going to be the career that i decide to pursue for the rest of my life" i was letting it be all about me and what i thought i wanted. But when i decide to let God make the plans for my life all of those questions don't seem to matter anymore. All that matters is who i am in Christ. Everything else God will plan for me, i just have to let him take control.

Jeremiah 29:11-14

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."