I am Called

God has always been amazing, but recently God has opened up my eyes to a lot of things. I just got back from super summer a week ago and it really has changed my life. It amazes me how much super summer continues to be stepping stones in my walk with the Lord. This year’s theme was called. Afshin was the speaker and God has really blessed him with that gift because he really helped show us a lot of things.

So I am going to be honest for a bit, not that I am not an honest person but sometimes it is hard to share your struggles with others. Lately I have seriously been struggling with my lack of friendships. My best friend, Lisa just moved and I used to hang out with her all the time and we made it a point to hang out weekly and she just helped me stay in line a bit. We kept each other accountable and although we can still do that over the phone, hanging out with other people is kind of an important thing. I have met many people over the years and have built some friendships but honestly I tend to befriend people who don't care about me as much as I care about them. I befriend people who I can't rely on and who aren't there for me like I am there for them. It gets frustrating. I am tired of having crappy friends. And the friends I do have that are genuinely godly people are just so busy. Anyways so I got tired of this. I felt that I deserved better than having crappy relationships with people, so I stopped hanging out with them. Not that I won't be here if they need me I just didn't need them anymore. I guess I hadn't really noticed how lonely I was until I got to super summer. This was the first time since I was about to be a freshman that I didn't know anyone else at super summer. I mean Phillip was there, but it wasn't the same. For the past several years there have been numerous women from my church who have gone to super summer as TL's. People who cared about me and who would be there for me as a shoulder to cry on or just give me a hug when I needed it. This year I didn't have that. And I didn't realize how hard that was going to be for me. My love language is physical touch. And hugs mean so much to me, and sometimes I just need a hug. Well due to the rules Phillip couldn't even give me a hug that I needed to comfort me. And I was just struggling. I was struggling with God because I felt like I didn't have anyone in my life that could be there for me and I felt so lonely. I was mad because God couldn't come down in human form and give me a hug and just hold me as I wept. Well God really just broke me during the training weekend. That sometimes God just needs to be enough in my life. That it is okay for him to be my best friend and sometimes only friend. He filled me with a sense of peace and comfort and it was amazing to feel and know that God was with me.

There was one night that we were talking about how illiterate that we have become. Illiterate in knowledge of our bible. He asked the students all 800 or so of them to stand up if they could recite from 3 verses from memory with references. It was amazing to see how few students stood up. My guess is probably around 25-30 students. In my yellow school alone I believe no more than 3 students stood up. These students are leaders in their youth group and they don't know their bible. I do not write about this to be judgmental but because it amazed me in how we as Americans don't know our bible as much as we should. That there are Christians in other countries who memorize chapters because it is against the law to have bibles. People who could be persecuted for being a Christian and here I am somewhat illiterate and take it for granted that I can speak the name of Jesus and know that I won't get arrested for it.

I have been digging in my word. Why? Not just because I felt guilt or shame, but because I realized that my relationship with God needed to be more than just talking to him through prayer and worship but that I was never going to get to know him unless I read about him. I mean I know God is a humorous God just by things that happen in my life and others but how am I going to understand him unless I read about why he did certain things or acted certain ways through different circumstances throughout the bible. I have been challenging myself to start memorizing weekly scriptures. This week my verse is Matthew 10:38-39 "Any anyone who does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it. And whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." The verses before it really hit me. It talks about loving your mother and father more than God and loving your sons and daughters more than God. Do you? Sometimes I feel like that I love my parents more than God. Not intentionally, but that's the way I act. Especially when I shove God aside and say forget you, or when I don't feel like listening or obeying him, or when I don't give him any time in my day. Yet as soon as my parents call me on my cell I pick of the phone and answer it.

I asked my students how deep their love for God was. Would they lay their life down for him? Sacrifice their earthly life for a life that will be eternal. Do you love God enough that when you have children that you would sacrifice their lives for God. Understanding that they are his children first and he just gave you earthy parenthood over them. I heard this story about this family that is in a country that they can't speak of because if caught could be arrested and put in prison because they have an underground church. It is a husband, a wife, and they have a 6 year old daughter. Someone asked the little girl if it scared her knowing that she could get caught. And she said something along the lines of this is not my life, but God's, and how this isn't her home heaven is, and Jesus died for us and that she wasn't scared to die for him. A 6 year old. How many people can say that they honestly aren't afraid to die for God's sake? I didn't know if I could. I didn't know that I could trust God at this moment to put a 6 year old little girl in that environment. That I could trust God enough to protect her or do with her as he wanted. But I'm working on that. That's part of surrendering daily to him. My relationship with God has seriously flourished. It really has. I feel closer to him than I ever have before. And it's amazing and it's something that I don't want to lose.

Everything else in my life has been good. I have a wonderful family, an amazingly Godly and very handsome boyfriend who treats me like a princess and only encourages me in my walk with the Lord. I start school up again next month and I'm nervous about my classes because it seems like a hard semester but I am going to get through it. I have a job that is in a Christian environment that allows me to read the bible during free time and lets me off work for church events. And I have met some really awesome students in Phillip's youth group who have such a heart for God and really encourage me. And it's been so wonderful getting to know them. It really has.

So what’s next for me? Finish school, Be a missionary in work, school, home, church, and everywhere else, love the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength.

And when I finish school or maybe before them, I am going go to another country and preach God's word. Because we have already been called. We need to get off our lazy butts and stop waiting to hear from God to tell us to go because Jesus already told us to go.
Matthew 28:19-20
Mark 16:50
Acts 1:7-8

"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."
Hebrews 11:8